Share this article

Copied!

What to Say to Someone Going to a Funeral

Do you know what to say to someone who is going to a funeral? How about what not to say? If you’re not sure, you’re in the right place. Funerals can be tense – the atmosphere is often full of sorrow, emotions are high, and grief can cause unpredictability. This article covers what to say when someone is going to a funeral, gives you some ideas on encouraging words to say on the day of a funeral, some advice on what to avoid and even some examples of texts you can send.

Things to remember when offering condolences

Knowing what to say to someone going to a funeral isn’t as easy as “don’t say this, just say that.” Sometimes it’s about simply being present, offering quiet support, and letting them know you care, even if you don’t have the perfect words. If you’re worried about offending or saying the wrong thing, there are a few key things you can keep in mind when considering what to say.

1. Be sincere: Speak from the heart and avoid trying to sound overly formal. Your sincerity will mean the most.

2. Acknowledge the loss: Use the name of the person who passed away, showing you recognize their significance. For example, “I’m so sorry for the loss of [name].”

3. Listen more, speak less: Allow the grieving person to share their feelings. Sometimes, your presence and willingness to listen can be more comforting than words.

4. Offer support, not solutions: Avoid trying to "fix" their grief. Instead, offer support by saying something like, “I’m here for you,” rather than giving advice or explanations.

5. Avoid clichés: Phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive. Instead, focus on expressing empathy and acknowledging their pain.

6. Respect their beliefs: Tailor your words to reflect their cultural or religious beliefs, or if you’re unsure, keep your message neutral and compassionate.

7. Offer specific help: Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer something tangible, like preparing meals or helping with chores, which can relieve some stress.

8. Follow up: Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. Checking in later shows that you care beyond the immediate moment of loss.

9. Respect their process: Everyone grieves differently. Some may want to talk, while others prefer space. Pay attention to cues and respect their needs.

10. Don’t make it about you: Avoid comparisons or shifting the focus to your experiences. The goal is to be present for their grief, not to share your own.

What to text someone on the day of a funeral

When texting someone on the day of the funeral, it’s helpful to keep in mind some of the previous advice and to also remember that the medium that you’re using makes a difference. They can’t hear your voice or feel your emotions through text like they could in person. Sarcasm, bluntness, humor can all be a bit risky over text in typical situations – it may help to avoid those communication styles during the day of the funeral. Here are some ideas for what you can send to someone on the day of the funeral:

1. "I know today is going to be incredibly difficult for you. Please remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here if you need someone to talk to, cry with, or just sit quietly. Sending you love and strength."

2. "I just wanted to remind you that it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling today—whether it’s sadness, anger, confusion, or even a little bit of peace. Every emotion is valid, and you have every right to experience them all. I’m thinking of you and am here if you need anything."

3. "I’m so sorry you have to go through this today. I’m here for you, and I’ll be thinking of you throughout the day."

4. "Just wanted to say that you’re in my thoughts today. I can’t imagine how hard this must be, but I hope you find moments of comfort and love amid the sadness. Take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to."

5. "My heart is with you today as you say goodbye to someone so special. I know there are no words that can truly comfort, but I hope you feel surrounded by love and support. If you need anything, even if it’s just someone to listen, I’m here."

6. "I know today will be filled with a lot of emotions. Please remember that you’re not alone—many people care for you and are holding you in their hearts today. Take the time you need, and know that I’m here whenever you’re ready."

7. "I’m sending you all the strength and love I have today. Grieving is never easy, and saying goodbye is even harder, but I believe in your ability to find the strength to get through this day. I’m here for anything you need, big or small."

8. "I know this day is one of the hardest, and I wish I could take some of the pain away. Please know I’m thinking of you, and my heart aches for what you’re going through. If you need a friend, a distraction, or a listening ear, I’m just a call or text away."

9. "May you find comfort in the beautiful memories you shared with [the deceased] today. I hope these memories bring you a little bit of peace and help guide you through this difficult day. I’m here for you, in any way you need."

10. "I wanted to reach out and let you know that you’re in my thoughts today. I know how much [the deceased] meant to you, and I can only imagine how hard today must be. If there’s anything at all I can do, please don’t hesitate to let me know."

What to say to the family at a funeral

When attending a funeral and speaking to the family of the deceased, it’s important to be sincere, compassionate, and mindful of their grief. Here are a few things you can say to offer support and comfort:

1. "I’m so sorry for your loss. [The deceased] was such a special person."
2. "I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I want you to know I’m here for you."
3. "Please know how much [the deceased] meant to me. I’ll never forget them."
4. "If you need anything, even just to talk or take care of things, don’t hesitate to reach out."
5. "I’ll be keeping your family in my thoughts/prayers."
6. "I’m so sorry for your loss. [The deceased] touched so many lives, including mine."
7. "There are no words that can truly ease your pain, but I’m here if you need anything."
8. "Your [mother/father/etc.] was so kind and generous. I’ll never forget the impact they had."
9. "I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I hope you find comfort in the love surrounding you today."
10. "Take your time to grieve, and don’t hesitate to reach out when you’re ready."

Keep it brief and genuine, and allow space for their emotions. Sometimes just being there speaks volumes.

Now that you have a better understanding of funeral day messages you can send to a friend or loved one, it’s important to remember that your words don’t have to be perfect. What matters most is that they come from the heart. Offering your support and showing that you care, whether through a message, a call, or your presence at the service, can provide comfort during one of life’s most difficult moments. Keep in mind that sometimes the simplest, most genuine words can mean the most.

One of the most common ways to express your sympathy towards someone who is attending a funeral or has recently lost a loved one, is to send them flowers. Ever Loved offers dozens of different bouquets that you can send to a loved one. If flowers don’t feel quite right, consider sending a unique sympathy gift.

Send flowers